Today in this cold cell I find myself empty, thinking about your beautiful face. I remember your first steps and your first words, your first mischief on your first birthday, how you said “mama” to me — oh how could I forget it.
How the years pass.
Today in this cell I find myself empty, in tears and on my knees, asking God why He tore you from my arms if you were only 5 years old. Asking myself if it was me.
But in those years I realized I was not to blame for your death, that instead it was simply time for you to become an angel of God. I love you so much, and I miss you so much, that I’ve asked God to bring you back and give me a second opportunity to hold you in my arms and never let you go. What I never realized is that I have you with me and in my heart, because now you’re my guardian angel.
For you, I learned how to love and value myself. For the first time I can say that I’m proud, as a mother, to have a beautiful angel like you, my love. And I know that from heaven you’re watching and protecting me today, here in this cold cell, wearing white. I realize that what’s important is the love of God and the love you gave me for five years. The happiest I had in my life. You were my first love.
Today in this cold cell I find myself happy and with tears in my eyes, because I know that it doesn’t matter whether you’re here or in heaven — you’ll forever be my guardian angel. And it’s not a goodbye but instead an “I’ll see you soon.”
I’m writing this letter and sharing a part of my life — for all of the mothers that think about the alcohol that destroys their families, for the mothers that must be fighters and fight for their dreams. I achieved mine, and now I am someone happy who values herself, who walks with God and with her guardian angel.
RIP Jessie Junior Garcia, November 28, 2021
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An Incarcerated Mother’s Letter to Her Guardian Angel
