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A statue of an angel in a cemetery in Europe.
Photo by kmiragaya on Depositphotos

Today in this cold cell I find myself empty, thinking about your beautiful face. I remember your first steps and your first words, your first mischief on your first birthday, how you said “mama” to me — oh how could I forget it.

How the years pass. 

Today in this cell I find myself empty, in tears and on my knees, asking God why He tore you from my arms if you were only 5 years old. Asking myself if it was me.

But in those years I realized I was not to blame for your death, that instead it was simply time for you to become an angel of God. I love you so much, and I miss you so much, that I’ve asked God to bring you back and give me a second opportunity to hold you in my arms and never let you go. What I never realized is that I have you with me and in my heart, because now you’re my guardian angel.

For you, I learned how to love and value myself. For the first time I can say that I’m proud, as a mother, to have a beautiful angel like you, my love. And I know that from heaven you’re watching and protecting me today, here in this cold cell, wearing white. I realize that what’s important is the love of God and the love you gave me for five years. The happiest I had in my life. You were my first love.

Today in this cold cell I find myself happy and with tears in my eyes, because I know that it doesn’t matter whether you’re here or in heaven — you’ll forever be my guardian angel. And it’s not a goodbye but instead an “I’ll see you soon.” 

I’m writing this letter and sharing a part of my life — for all of the mothers that think about the alcohol that destroys their families, for the mothers that must be fighters and fight for their dreams. I achieved mine, and now I am someone happy who values herself, who walks with God and with her guardian angel.

RIP Jessie Junior Garcia, November 28, 2021

Disclaimer: The views in this article are those of the author. Prison Journalism Project has verified the writer’s identity and basic facts such as the names of institutions mentioned.

Griselda Barrientos is a writer incarcerated in Texas.