Sunlight is reflected over the clear blue water of a swimming pool.
Photo by steffi harms on Unsplash

I want to be submerged
But not by worries, or problems or circumstances.
I want to be submerged by water.
Clear blue water
So cool it cools my soul
And pristine it’s never touched another human being.
I want to open my eyes
In a world of blue
And with a deep breath erase my life of gray.
I want to disintegrate
And be part of the waves forever.
I want to know each grain of sand
By its first name
And live in this world of blue
Absent of time, absent of pain, absent of gray

My world of gray,
The gray of a city pigeon.
Or a cinder block.
This gray that overcomes
Even the color of my dreams
So that even a nightmare
Is preferable to this monochrome monotony
That creeps into my very soul,
So that I am not like a cinder block
I am cinder block!
A nameless, featureless gray block
In a nameless, featureless gray wall
In the ruins of a nameless abandoned Soviet city
Nameless gray pigeons abide here.
At least they can fly.

Disclaimer: The views in this article are those of the author. Prison Journalism Project has verified the writer’s identity and basic facts such as the names of institutions mentioned.

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Cesar Suarez

Cesar Suarez is a writer and poet incarcerated in California.