The first time I heard about fat bastards, I thought my friend Shane was calling me one. I was on the heavy side so I asked why he would call me that. He clarified, explaining that a fat bastard is a delicious snack made with a few canteen items.
I helped him cook them while we discussed our current Dungeons & Dragons campaign. This was my first time cooking with canteen items. I’d seen it done before, but Shane showed me how to cut up the sausages, and told me that an ID card can work in place of a knife. Once they were done, I took a bite of mine and fell in love with fat bastards.
FAT BASTARD
- 2 summer beef sausages, $1.89 each
- barbecue sauce, $2.46 for an 18-ounce bottle
- 1 plain bagel, $0.51
- 3 packets of jalapeño squeeze cheese (10 packets cost $5.32 from commissary)
- 2 packets jalapeños, $0.41 each
Remove wrapping from sausages. Using a plastic knife or your prison ID card, cut the sausages into wheels, as fat or as thin as you wish. Put them in a microwave-safe bowl and cover with barbecue sauce. Microwave for 2 minutes. Once the sausages are done, heat the bagel in the microwave for 30 seconds. Divide the bagel in half. On one half, put half the sausage wheels, topped with one packet of squeeze cheese and one packet of jalapeños. Repeat with the remaining sausage, squeeze cheese and jalapeños. Top with the other half of the bagel, and enjoy.
