“Chow Hall” is a semi-regular column by Justin Slavinski, a writer incarcerated in Florida who provides anecdotes and insights about food and meals served in prison.
About six months ago, my friend Mark mentioned he was making kimchi in the dormitory. Mark’s Korean-style preservation of cabbage caught my attention because I enjoy exotic flavors, and I adore sauerkraut. Cabbage is readily available in prison, so the recipe also costs almost nothing to make.
I decided to experiment by making my own kimchi. Most specialty dishes I have made in prison required a bit of creative problem-solving. This one was so easy, it required almost none.
Kimchi is at least 2,000 years old. It only took its present spicy form after the introduction of chili peppers from the Americas in the 17th century. The modern recipe, which can involve the addition of ginger, garlic, carrot, radish, green onion, fish sauce, chili powder and many other seasonings I don’t have, is a much more recent innovation.
The prison version requires mixing ramen seasoning with the cabbage, putting it into a resealable bag and, once a day, releasing the carbon dioxide that accumulates.
On the first day, I was paranoid about bags of stinky fermenting cabbage exploding in my locker, so I folded over the top of the bag and applied several small binder clips for added protection.
When I opened my locker on the second morning, the inflated bag was taut like a balloon on the verge of popping. I had been told this was a good sign.
Overnight, the bacteria and yeasts on the cabbage had eaten up the carbohydrates and crapped out the carbon dioxide and some other byproducts via fermentation. I burped the bag, and took a whiff. So far, there were no off smells or anything strange. The contents smelled like cabbage and soy sauce.
What I’m after is not the kind of fermentation used to make beer, wine, mead, spirits and other party drinks. I’m looking for lactic acid fermentation — although other acids are also involved in the fermentation process. Lactic acid is the same stuff that makes yogurt tangy, and it’s what is responsible for the acidic punch of sauerkraut and kimchi.
On the third day, the bag was a little less full. This time it smelled like Newark Airport’s parking garage. This isn’t a dig at New Jersey; the Anheuser-Busch brewery is across from the airport, and so the parking garage always smelled like a combination of automotive exhaust, yeast, bread and stale beer. Minus the hint of exhaust, I think this was the desired smell.
Day 4 began the phase where the lactobacillus genus of bacteria finally does its thing. No more ballooning of the bag, and much more of a sour, tangy smell upon opening. The cabbage looked almost cooked.
I was looking forward to the next day. I planned to eat this science experiment and see how it turned out. Best-case scenario? It would be a delight: spicy, tangy and a great probiotic for my gut health. Worst-case scenario? I would end up spending a lot more time on the toilet.
On Day 5, I dipped a plastic fork into the bag. I couldn’t believe my senses. It was kimchi! It was salty — really salty — like lapping at the Dead Sea. It made my eyes burn and my tongue shrivel.
And then the sharp tang of acidity kicked in. My mouth was on fire from the Sriracha and the lactic acid. The cabbage was tender but still crisp. I couldn’t believe this actually worked.
I’m unashamed to admit that I poured out the bag into a bowl and ate the entirety of my experiment in one go.
On Day 8, I hadn’t died, my vision wasn’t blurred, my kidneys felt fine, and I didn’t need to creatively appropriate additional rolls of toilet paper.
I’ve already lined up supplies to make more.
MY PRISON KIMCHI RECIPE
Equipment
- 1 bowl
- 1 spoon
- 1 resealable coffee bag, well cleaned, with the seal in excellent condition
Ingredients
- 2 cups cabbage, chopped
- 1 seasoning packet from a ramen package, preferably with chili
- 1 soy sauce packet
- 1 teaspoon hot sauce, preferably Sriracha, but almost any will do
In the bowl, using the spoon, mix the seasoning, soy sauce and hot sauce.
To the coffee bag, add 1/3 of the cabbage. Then spoon in 1/3 of the seasoning mix. Repeat layers until all the cabbage and seasoning mix are in the bag.
Seal the bag and shake before opening just a corner of the seal and pressing the air out as much as possible. Reseal the bag.
Burp the bag every 24 hours to release the accumulated carbon dioxide, then reseal the bag. Taste the kimchi each day and wait until it reaches your desired tangy taste and texture. It should be ready in 1 to 2 days, possibly a little longer. Then you can enjoy it!
