“I can’t do this. I’m sorry, I just can’t,” said R., a learner in the Penn State/Muncy Tutoring Program as she dropped her pencil on the desk. She placed her head in her hands.
Nichol “Nikki” Lee, a math tutor, gently but firmly challenged R.: “What did I tell you? We don’t say ‘I can’t’ here. You can and you will. Let me show you.”
From a few desks away, I watched as Nikki patiently taught R. how to add fractions with uncommon denominators. The sound of their calm chatter filled the classroom, a stark contrast to the incessant din heard throughout the rest of the State Correctional Institution at Muncy, a maximum security prison for women in Pennsylvania.
A volunteer tutor for over seven years, Nikki has learned how to meet the individual needs of each woman she works with — many of whom were failed by the public school system before they were ensnared by the prison system.
Nikki was expelled from school as a teen. It was in prison, while working toward her GED diploma, that she discovered her passion for education. In addition to being a tutor, she is currently a student in Commonwealth University’s 24-credit Rehabilitative Justice certificate program. Recently, she taught herself calculus.
‘People like me don’t matter’
Born in 1980, Nikki was raised in inner-city Philadelphia. As a child, she was regularly exposed to drugs, violence and abuse. As a young teenager, Nikki said she was robbed and raped by a police officer. When she reported the crime, she told the police that she would be able to identify the officer from photos. Instead, investigating officers directed her to use photos of ex-felons to describe the rapist’s features.
“This experience only fueled my belief that people like me don’t matter,” Nikki said.
She was never informed of the outcome of the investigation. Convinced she wouldn’t be believed or taken seriously, she decided not to pursue further legal action.
Shortly after she was attacked, Nikki began drinking alcohol every day. By age 15, she was addicted to smoking crack.
”I had experienced being raped multiple times, and I became very reckless in my drug use and decision-making,” she said. ”I was suicidal. I intentionally put myself in dangerous situations.”
As Nikki’s addiction escalated, she started acting out in school. Her attendance lagged and she was quickly labeled and treated as a disciplinary problem.
”I was suspended multiple times and kicked out of school for disrespectful and disruptive behavior, like setting a roll of toilet paper on fire in the bathroom,” she said.
Over the course of one year, Nikki was placed in two different disciplinary schools in Philadelphia, where her behavior continued to get worse. After being arrested at 16 for having a knife on school grounds, she was expelled from all Pennsylvania schools.
That’s when Nikki started living with a man over a decade older than her. She had no family left in Philadelphia. She was desperate. Nikki became pregnant, and gave birth to her son at 18.
”When my water broke, I was alone,” Nikki said. ”My son’s father had recently been arrested, my father no longer lived in Philly, and my mom was actually in Muncy, the same cage where I now sit.” Isolated and overwhelmed by the stresses of new motherhood, Nikki continued to use drugs, which resulted in losing custody of her son before he was 1 year old. On Sept. 9, 2004, Nikki served as the getaway driver in a robbery and was sentenced to 22 to 55 years. She was angry at her sentence and at the circumstances that had dictated her life.
After years of anger, Nikki heard about a program called House of Hope at SCI Muncy. Women she knew had positive things to say the about the inpatient therapeutic program for victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. Nikki signed herself in.
‘She changes’
This was her first time receiving treatment for childhood abuse.
”It was a new experience for me because up to that point I had never spoken openly about the abuse in my life,” Nikki said. ”I was raised simply, ‘Deal with it, suck it up and move on,’ but that ideology was slowly killing me.”
Tameka, Nikki’s friend of 20 years at Muncy, has witnessed her growth.
”When I first met Nikki, she was young, lost and angry,” she said. “I’ve seen her take advantage of every opportunity to better herself and help other people.”
Nikki has been tutoring Lisa, a student in Penn College’s baking program, in algebra and geometry for over six months. Lisa hasn’t been a student for almost 35 years and frequently feels overwhelmed by the demands of traditional college courses.
“Last week, I was so frustrated at the math that I actually snatched the worksheet from Nikki,” Lisa said with a laugh. ”I’m always so frustrated and hard on myself, feeling like I’m not going to get this. But Nikki is always uplifting and encouraging me, telling me that I can do it and I will.”
Nikki said most of the students she tutors in math “constantly second-guess themselves.”
“The root of this stems from low self-esteem,” Nikki said. “As I watch this person get more confident, I see this positive attitude branch out into other areas of her life. She changes.”
Earlier this year, Nikki was granted parole. She plans to take her time reestablishing her family bonds and readjusting to the world. She is looking forward to hugging her son, who is now 28 years old and working as a software engineer.
