Photo by DESIGNECOLOGIST on Unsplash

Dear Mommy, 

Mommy, I know you did not mean to hurt me. I am sending you this message from Heaven. 

I know you have been sad. I love you very much and I know that you loved me very much.  No matter what anyone says, you and I both know that. 

You were a good mommy. You made me laugh. Do you remember? Do you remember when I showed a little of your stubborn streak? 

I had a good life, Mommy. Maybe it was short but it was good, and that was thanks to you. Don’t blame yourself. Don’t blame God. It is what it is, okay? 

We need to make sure we always stay grateful for the time we had together. Let’s make lemonade, Mommy. Every moment grows bigger. Each small memory is special. Learning to say my first words is a big memory now. Please remember me that way. Alive and well. 

When you tell stories about me, don’t let it hurt because you think I am just a memory. I am more. I am your little angel over your shoulder. When you laugh, I rock with giggles and laughter. I love that sound. I love to watch you dance and love and laugh. I watch you when you laugh and when you cry. I want to wrap you up, Mommy, and wipe away your tears.

When you feel the peace of a mystery hidden hug, that is me. When you feel inspired to write or be silly, that is me. Mommy, you are alive and I love that. I am alive in you. 

I know you are sad and down a lot lately. You are still going to have a great life. Don’t spend it looking backwards. You won’t be able to see where you are going if you look backwards. Silly Mommy, you know that. 

This letter seems simple but I need you to know I love you and I am okay. Now you be okay, too, Mommy, please. We will be okay together. 

*For prisoners incarcerated for accidentally killing their children.

 
Disclaimer: The views in this article are those of the author. The Prison Journalism Project has verified the writer’s identity and basic facts such as the names of institutions mentioned. The work is lightly edited but has not been otherwise fact-checked.

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Dorothy Maraglino

Dorothy Maraglino is a writer incarcerated at Central California Women’s Facility in Chowchilla, California. She is serving a life-without-parole sentence under the state’s felony murder rule. Writing is how she processes the world around her to remain sane. She devotes most of her time to short works that share the realities of prison.