My life in a California prison has been exceptionally hard because I am misunderstood by my peers. Most of them don’t know anything about the spectrum of sexual orientation and gender identity in the LGBTQ+ community. Trying to explain it to everyone is difficult, but I feel the effort is worth it. Maybe it will keep people from hating or pre-judging my people.
Although the prison system only has two designations, male and transgender, I identify as gender-fluid, specifically in the transgender category. I think the other inmates have trouble digesting the fact that even though my outward appearance is male, I have feminine ways and I wear bras and panties. I also have breasts due to the hormone treatment medication I’ve been taking since July 5, 2019.
It took me years to get to this stage of my transition, and I’m proud to be an in-the-open-to-everyone — even family — transgender person. There were people who made jokes or felt betrayed by my transition. Also, I wondered if I made a mistake coming out as transgender too quickly after already identifying as bisexual. But I came through my confusion.
To be honest, sometimes I like it when dudes flirt with me. Then I remember that, most likely, they are only flirting to get sex. There are some people interested in real relationships in here, but I want to make sure I’m mentally and emotionally prepared before I move on to that stage.
The support from my fellow transgender people has been spotty at best. I have to be strong and learn a lot on my own. Support from my mom is a huge part of my confidence and self-esteem.
So far, I’ve been accepted in every circle of people I’ve encountered. My fear is that I’ll have to start over with the process of rejection and acceptance by my peers if I’m transferred to another prison.
This is a little of what I go through daily. Life is a never-ending learning process, which I embrace wholeheartedly.
Republish this article
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
Here are our ground rules:
- You must credit Prison Journalism Project. In the byline, we prefer “[Author Name], Prison Journalism Project.” At the top of the text of your story, please include a line that says: “This story was originally published by Prison Journalism Project” and include a link to the article.
- No republishing of photographs, illustrations or graphics without specific permission. Please contact inquiries@prisonjournalismproject.org.
- No editing the content, including the headline, except to reflect changes in time, location and editorial style. For example, changing, “today” to “last week,” or San Quentin to San Quentin, California. You can also make minor revisions for style or headline size, and you can trim stories for space. You must also retain all original hyperlinks, including links to the Prison Journalism Project newsletters.
- No translation of our stories into another language without specific permission. Please contact inquiries@prisonjournalismproject.org.
- No selling ads against our stories, but you can publish it on a page with ads that you’ve already sold.
- No reselling or syndicating our stories, including on platforms or apps like Apple News or Google News. You also can’t republish our work automatically or all at once. Please select them individually.
- No scraping our website or using our stories to populate websites designed to improve search rankings or gain revenue from network-based advertisements.
- Any site our stories appear on must have a prominent and effective way to contact you.
- If we send you a request to remove our story, you must do so immediately.
- If you share republished stories on social media, please tag Prison Journalism Project. We have official accounts on Twitter (@prisonjourn), Facebook (@prisonjournalism), Instagram (@prisonjournalism) and Linked In.
- Let us know when you share the story. Send us a note, so we can keep track.