This story was produced in partnership with The Oaklandside, a local nonprofit news source dedicated to Oakland, and Oakland Voices, a community journalism training program and outlet of the Maynard Institute for Journalism Education.
When I heard, “You are granted parole,” all the pressure was released from every pore on my body. For me, it was validation of the work that I had put in. I had proven to myself that I was a better person and had the potential to be successful. It was one of the best moments of my life.
Four months after hearing those words, I was released from Pelican Bay State Prison after being incarcerated for 15 years.
Everything smelled so good and welcoming that morning. Just waking up was thrilling. I could not keep from tearing up. When I walked down the hallway, everyone I knew was congratulating me and wishing me well. I felt waves of emotion as I watched people head to breakfast in the chow hall. I was sad to leave them in this shithole, but happy for myself that I was leaving.
When my younger brothers picked me up in their Prius, we went to a café. I got pork chops and scrambled eggs. I laughed at myself for not being able to use the knife and fork together to cut the pork; in prison, we only used plastic forks because even a plastic knife is seen as a potential weapon. I ended up eating the pork chops with my hands. The taste was incredible.
When I finally returned to my childhood room, I could not believe it was real. The room felt smaller, or maybe I just got bigger. It was full of food, as my mom had made it into a storage room. Most of my old clothes were in the closet. It was funny how all my clothes were too big; that tells you how baggy my clothes used to be. It made me feel good about how my sense of style had changed, and how much I had changed.
Lam Vo in his childhood room at his parents’ home in Oakland (Photo by Katie Rodriguez) 
A portrait of Lam Vo hangs outside his childhood bedroom in his parents’ house (Photo by Katie Rodriguez) 
Dried shrimp, one of the foods that Lam Vo missed the most from prison, sits on the counter of his parents’ kitchen (Photo by Katie Rodriguez) 
Lam Vo holds up a frozen fish that his father caught on a recent fishing trip (Photo by Katie Rodriguez)
I have been eating out a lot since I was released. Growing up, my favorite dish was prawns with honey-glazed walnuts. I’ve eaten that dish at a few different places now. Still good! It brought back warm memories and happy feelings of eating out with my family when I was a kid.
Many friends have taken me out to eat. I am definitely gaining weight. The food out here has more fat and grease, and a lot more sugar, compared to the food served in prison.
Adjusting back to society has been challenging. For the first two weeks, I felt like I was spending a lot of time in line at the DMV, social services office and parole agency.
Luckily, there’s a lot of support for people who just got out. I was referred by my probation officer to the Center for Employment Opportunities, which works with Caltrans, the state transportation agency. I work with about 30 other guys, picking up trash on the freeways. They only employ people who are on probation or parole and people who just got out. I work three days a week and get paid right after I’m done working. I make $16.50 an hour, and they put it on a Visa card.
The support I have is amazing. I have a transitional house in Oakland that does not charge me for rent. My parole officer referred me to job sites and self-help groups. My mom’s been there for me; my brothers too. They recently helped me purchase a car — a 2011 Nissan Altima. It’s my first car.
I’ve driven it to go hiking and fishing, even though I got a tracking device on me. On weekends, I get a pass to stay overnight outside of the transitional house, as long as it’s within a 50-mile radius. And there are so many places within a 50-mile radius, from Reinhardt Redwood Regional Park to Sibley Volcanic Regional Preserve to Lake Del Valle.
It’s amazing to see how much everyone has grown. Most of my friends are married with children. Being out here and seeing all the familiar faces in their own lives motivates me to get myself back on track with my own life.
Recently, as my crew drove back and forth between Interstate 880 and I-580, we kept passing the Glen Dyer Detention Facility in Oakland, where I had once been temporarily housed. I remember looking out the window each night at the people driving by, going on with their lives. I wondered where they were heading. Now, I am driving by, starting my own journey. I love that moment and cherish the second chance I’ve been given.
It has been hard confronting Oakland’s homelessness problem, seeing people struggle on every corner. It hurts. It seems like there are more people without a home now than 15 years ago.
On the other hand, there are certain areas that have been developed, like Jack London Square. But the city hasn’t really focused on other communities. I see a lot more stolen cars than I did back then.
Seeing all this reminds me to keep pushing forward and to make every day count. I could easily be the one struggling in those streets. It reminds me how fortunate I am to be in a position to succeed with so many people supporting me. I truly appreciate the life I have, whereas others struggle with addiction and violence.
In prison, I was a part of Criminals and Gangs Anonymous, a support group for people wanting to leave the gang lifestyle. I think it helped me a lot, gave me a lot of tools. For example, there are a lot of people out here who have road rage. In the groups, I learned coping skills and how to control my anger and use tools like breathing in, holding it for a couple of seconds, then breathing out to get myself to relax. Another skill I learned was to admit being wrong when I am wrong.
The truth is, I wasn’t a decent person. I looked at myself and saw the end. But I did not want that; my story was not going to end that way. I understood that I could not have a long, happy life without real, positive change. So I made the best of my time inside by receiving my associate degree and participating in a dog-training program.
I used to be an attention-seeker, wanting to be flashy in front of other gang members. Now, I focus on using skills like my artwork to get positive attention. I also wanted to be a people-pleaser. I still have some of those characteristics, but it’s not as bad or negative. Spending time in prison eventually made me more confident about myself.
But I will not lie, it has been a bit overwhelming at times. Trying to get things done and wanting to catch up with friends is hard to balance. I have wanted to do so much, but I was limited on where I could go at first when I didn’t have my license. Another challenge I face is making sure I don’t fall back into the gang and criminal lifestyle. It’s easy to go back, but I keep busy and focus on my tasks and priorities. After a few weeks, things kind of settled down a bit. I feel that I can breathe.
In prison, I spent a lot of time reflecting and learning about myself, who I am, what triggers me, what I am good at, what my potential is. I know a lot about myself now. I feel like I’m an easygoing person who’s creative and motivated. I’ve been told that I see all rainbows and butterflies, which I’m OK with. But I also understand the reality of things. I just choose to focus on the positive as much as possible because I want to push out light. That’s what I want my energy, my life, to be.
Debora Gordon, Oakland Voices alumna, contributed to this project.
