Prison culture dictates that it’s better to act tough than risk seeming weak. A tough exterior garners respect. Vulnerability, on the other hand, can make you prey. This leads incarcerated men in particular to shy away from expressing emotions.
But I don’t adhere to that ideology. I have noticed that when I am my true self, I gain respect.
That’s why I decided to ask people incarcerated at Southeast Correctional Center in Charleston, Missouri, to open up on a topic that can elicit deep emotions: family.
Family is a heavy topic for me. I was born in another country and didn’t grow up with my parents. I came to the U.S. years ago without family or friends. Now that I’m incarcerated, no family or friends means no letters, no money in my books and, most of the time, no answered phone calls. So I wanted to know what fellow incarcerated people longed for from their families.
I asked 10 of my peers the following question: What is the one thing you would like to receive from your family this year, and why?
Here’s what they said:
Rafael S.: “To keep receiving love and affection from them. Moral support and love are important things while being here.”
Jacob R.: “Understanding. I know they love me, but I feel they don’t understand me. Through phone calls they try to make me feel good, but they have to remember that the reality is different.”
Steven M.: “I would like to finally get a phone call with my kids. I have not spoken to them for eight long years. Some of my family members have prevented them from talking to me, that’s why.”
D. Richards: “Love. They show me love with the simple act of answering my phone calls. Love is necessary to not give up.”
K. Baley: “Letters and pictures. I haven’t gotten one for a year. Even if it was just one, that would be fine. I think that’s one of the ways people out there can express consideration.”
Luis F.: “I don’t have family living nearby, so I can’t request them to visit. Pictures and answered phone calls help me survive.”
Josh G.: “True promises. I’m not trying to sound grumpy. Sometimes they promise to send me money, but that never happens.”
Michael S.: “Words of love and encouragement. Without motivation from your people, everything begins to fall down, man.”
John R.: “To know they are doing great is enough for me. I think that’s what really matters, knowing they are OK.”
Mr. Swims: “Money is always good. But sincerely what I want from them is just patience, you know? I want them to give me the patience to wait for me. I want to have somebody out there whenever I have the chance to go home.”
As for me, I long for a visit from my loved ones, especially my dad and mom. I would like to give them a hug and kiss for the first time in my life. Of course I wish for money in my books, just like anyone. But more than anything, I just want to see my family and take a picture with them. A memory like that would last me forever.
