More than 5 million kids in the United States have had a parent in jail or prison at some point in their life, according to a 2022 report from The Sentencing Project.
Stripping parents out of the lives of their children can cause chaos and challenges. Once incarcerated, parents face many barriers to developing relationships with their children.
Despite these challenges, the six parents I interviewed said it’s essential to make an effort to stay connected to your children. In these interviews, I have identified some parents by their first name or nickname to protect their privacy.
Keeping in contact with your children
In most Missouri prisons, daily correspondence is limited to emails, digital mail, postal mail, telephone calls and video visits. Some people make extra efforts to focus on their children.
Yuri, 40, incarcerated 16 years: “It’s very hard to keep up with three children. Over the past 16 years I have sent out daily letters, made phone calls and sent emails to my children to let them know I am OK and I love them. It’s important to always use the L-word.”
Devin, 20, incarcerated eight months: “I have a 2-year-old. I record audiobooks and send them home so she can hear my voice. When she visits and hears my voice, I want her to know who I am. I found out there is no right answer and every attempt is worth trying.”
Are prison visits good for the child?
Prison visits benefit the child as well as the parent. Kids need to see their parents in prison so they know they are OK.
Kendrix, 30, incarcerated 11 months: “I enjoy my visits with my son. He is 11 and needs to know I am safe and it’s safe to come visit me. TV only shows prison rape and violence. I don’t want him to think I am being hurt here.”
Hicks Galore, 41, incarcerated 21 years: “It’s very important to me that I see my children. I love them very much and their physical touch means the world to me. Eating a meal with them, chatting about their lives, our futures — it allows us to keep that inherent sense of family.”
Dealing with prison visit rules
The rules governing visits sometimes seem anti-family, even though they are partly designed for the security of the institution. These protocols lead to a lack of parental intimacy and make visits feel dull at times. But if you make the most of the opportunity, you can still have a great visit.
Desi, 33, incarcerated two years: “I hate being unable to hold my child’s hand or go outside and play catch with him. But I always make use of our time by playing board and card games and making corny jokes.”
Leonard, 26, incarcerated six years: “It’s not easy holding their hands or giving them a kiss in the beginning and the end of their visits. They ask questions like, ‘Daddy, when are you going to come to my school and meet my teacher?’ Or, ‘Did you put my drawing on your wall?’ I always smile and fight hard to stay focused on having the best visit ever.”
During my interviews, people discussed how they enjoyed talking with their children about their plans for reentry or their children’s own plans for the future. Visits help build bridges that will hopefully keep families connected after the parent leaves prison.
