On a bus that ferried a group of incarcerated people from one Missouri state prison to another, two people told me they fought addiction by embracing it. I’ve also done the same during my incarceration.
One man I talked to goes by Seminole. He’s a married father of three, who was raised in St. Louis.
“Embracing addiction means to take a bird’s-eye view of the issue, to analyze my actions to see how they are harming or helping me,” he said. “It’s how I overcame my addiction. I figured out that I needed to change in order to save my family.”
Seminole said he used to think “it was OK to be high all the time.” He said that was the case when he went to work or did mundane but important tasks, like paying the bills.
“I never really took the time to engage my family,” Seminole said.
Now, when he’s struggling and feels the urge to get high, he calls home.
“I was once a lousy parent, but my kids gave me a second chance,” Seminole said. “Now I’m addicted to my 4-year-old.”
He’s always excited to speak with his young daughter.
“She can read me a book or tell me about her day or gossip about what her mother’s been doing,” he said. “My kids are my therapy when I’m losing.”
The second rider I talked to on the bus goes by Baby J. He said that embracing addiction for him meant that he had to accept the fact that drugs ruined his life. After honesty and acceptance came change. Now Baby J, from East St. Louis, Illinois, is obsessed with playing baseball. Baby J said he’s a better player because he practices more now that he’s sober. He can field the ball cleaner and hit farther than ever before.
“The crack of the bat when it hits the ball, and the adrenaline rush I get trying to make it to the base before the fielder catches the ball and catches me, is the most fulfilling thing I’ve ever experienced,” he said. “I used to use drugs to enhance that feeling. Now I’m addicted to practicing.”
I’ve had a similar experience. I had to explore my soul and look for its inner essence — the only thing I had left that was unharmed by addiction. When I embraced my addiction, I embraced my soul. It stripped away shame, doubt and pain. It helped me regain a lost life.
We’re not alone. About half the people in U.S. prisons have struggled with drug use, according to Prison Policy Initiative, and it’s often connected to what brought them here. We can regain control when we embrace our addiction, turning pain into power and transforming shame into acceptance. That makes us capable of accomplishing anything.
Over several months before that bus ride, I talked with dozens of people in prison about addiction and acceptance. Their stories, like the ones from my bus conversations, showed people who left addiction for recovery and become more powerful.
One man, South Side, said it took him a long time to realize he had an addiction. Once he accepted that fact, he poured his energy into writing music — “something far greater than drugs,” he said.
“I was once addicted to drugs and hurting people,” South Side said. “But I’m now consumed with doing the opposite.”
Dominique, who never thought he’d be clean during his 22 years of addiction, now loves to draw.
“My pencil and my eraser are everything to me,” he said. “When I see the works of my hands, I get high off its creativity.”
Antonio loves to sing and used to get high so he could perform. Then his addiction led him to prison, where he learned he can perform sober.
“I am working to stay drug-free. I sing a lot now and I do it without drugs,” he said. “The praise I get from people gets me high enough.”